Hidan in Hogwarts
by pyrosnap
Summary: Leader-sama sends Hidan to Hogwarts to retrieve a magical artifact that can bind tailed-beasts. He must, against his will, obviously, pretend to be Draco Malfoy during his stay at Hogwarts. Not a big deal, but seriously, these kids are so damn annoying! crackfic; T for swearing


**Hidan in Hogwarts**

_pyrosnap_

NOTE: So my friend and I were randomly talking about how hot Hidan's chest was (okay, maybe that was just me) and we were joking about how cool it would be if Tom Felton (the actor of Draco Malfoy) cosplayed as Hidan. And then she said, "What if Hidan cosplayed as Draco Malfoy?" What a great idea, huh? So basically that's how this fic was born! Don't take this too seriously, it's a crackfic. Heh.

* * *

"What the fuck are all of you guys staring at?" Hidan said as he walked into the room, shooting glares at the sniggering members of Akatsuki.

"Hidan, you're late." Pein crossed his arms.

"Yeah, yeah, I had a fucking ritual to do."

"Your tardiness will not be accepted."

Hidan gaped.

"What the fuck, Leader-sama. I had a fucking ritual to do!"

The Leader cleared his throat.

"You will do the mission then. You need to infiltrate a magical school called Hogwarts Academy. We believe they have an ancient artifact created to hold the power of the bijuu. You will need to pretend to be a student and find out as much as you can without getting discovered."

By the time he finished talking, a vein was pulsing on Hidan's right temple. He was breathing hard, glaring daggers at the Leader.

"What the fuck do you mean by pretend to be a student? I can't fucking pretend to be a student!"

The Leader stared back at him nonchalantly.

"Do it, or suffer the consequences."

"Hidan-san! Don't worry, we'll help you!" Tobi flashed him a thumbs up sign while Deidara burst into hysterical giggles behind him.

Leader-sama turned to leave as Hidan let out a strangled scream and collapsed on the floor.

* * *

The next week, Hidan found himself standing awkwardly alone at a train station. His hands clenched and unclenched nervously as his eyes darted around the platform.

"Where the fuck is that blonde idiot," he muttered under his breath as he tried to scan the bustling crowd for Deidara.

"Hey, un."

He turned around ready to scream at Deidara for being late.

"Deidara, you ass-"

"Hi, Hidan-san!"

Tobi waved excitedly at him from behind Deidara.

Hidan stared at him.

"What the fuck are you doing here?"

"Tobi is here to help Hidan find someone that looks like him!" Tobi chirped.

Hidan groaned and turned to Deidara who was snickering.

"Fuck you, Deidara. Why the fuck did you bring that dumbass?"

Deidara shrugged.

"Thought he'd be helpful."

Hidan gritted his teeth and snarled to Tobi, "Well, do you see anyone yet?"

Tobi hummed and stretched his neck to stare into the faces of the people around them.

"No, Tobi doesn't see any – oh, Deidara-san! Hidan-san! Look! That boy standing by the wall looks exactly like Hidan-san!"

Both shinobis turned to where Tobi was pointing. A boy with platinum blond hair was talking to a man who was probably his father. He was smirking and nodding to whatever the man was saying. Deidara grinned.

"Hidan, he's the spitting image of you, yeah."

Hidan, however, was not so pleased.

"Fuck you, Deidara. That guy looks like a fucking pansy."

"He even has a lame hairstyle, just like you, yeah."

Hidan whirled around and grabbed Deidara by the collar of his shirt. He snarled, his face turning a deep shade of red. "Fuck you, you little piece of shit. Shut your fucking mouth before I shut it for you!" He then unceremoniously dropped Deidara onto the floor and turned around to examine the boy. After a few moments of pondering, he sighed. The boy will have to do.

A voice coughed from behind him. Hidan whirled around, eyes squinting as he searched for the perpetrator.

"Hidan…" a voice growled.

Hidan turned the other way. Was it that old lady who was staring at his partially exposed chest? He shuddered and slowly backed away when she licked her lips and sent him a flirtatious wink.

"Hidan-san, uhm, Tobi thinks Zetsu-san is trying to talk to you," Tobi prodded him in the shoulder and pointed to flower pot with a giant plant in it.

A plant with eyes.

A plant with eyes that were staring at him.

"Well, shit." Hidan blinked. "Nice fucking disguise, Zetsu."

Zetsu sighed before sneakily handing Hidan a folder. "Tobi has told me who you picked as your target and I have hacked into the school's files. Here's some basic information from him."

"_You better not screw up_," Zetsu's other half sneered.

Hidan shrugged and thumbed through the papers. "Hey, by the way, how are going to kidnap him –?" He glanced up and Zetsu was gone.

So was the flower pot.

He turned around and walked towards the train, completely missing Deidara jumping on top of the poor blond boy while Tobi tried to keep him quiet.

Poor Draco Malfoy.

* * *

Note: Ehhh, I don't know how this is going to turn out...I have some ideas in my head, but meh. It's nice to be back, I guess. :3 Leave reviews ~ and if you think of something crazy or funny, please tell me ! It'll help a lot, LOL. Thanks, thanks.


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